Hey, everybody,
Welcome back to the second issue of my personal email newsletter. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone of you who subscribed, responded, and sent kind words my way this past week. I originally started writing for myself but have been absolutely blown away by what a little bit of positive support from an outside community can do for me. It may not seem like much but words of affirmation go a long way in my book, so I just wanted to take a sentimental moment and say thank you =)
This week was outside of the norm for me. I worked some different night and weekend hours and had a lot of time to reflect and relax. I'm working on getting better at differentiating my time between passive and active consumption.I want to stray away from mindlessly scrolling through twitter and blogs in my down time (passive consumption) and focus more on relaxing. I want to be intentional about the hours that I spend. If I’m writing, I want to get better at using that time to only write. If I’m taking a break, I want to focus only on myself and the people who I’m spending that time with.
This brings me to a big lesson I learned this week.
I had Tuesday off from work and didn't have to go back in until 2 pm on Wednesday, so a couple of my close friends from out of town drove into Buffalo for a quick visit. Their company was excellent and it was fantastic to enjoy dinner, drinks and their companionship - something that's been scarce over the last few months. Here’s a blurry picture to encapsulate the memory.
I had spent the majority of the early half of Tuesday unpacking the last few things in our apartment and preparing for our guests so I hadn't had the opportunity to devote time to writing and personal productivity like I usually do on my days off. This bothered me a little bit and I was antsy to fit a little bit of work in before I had to go back to my real job.
On Wednesday, my friends stuck around for a few hours in the morning. I made coffee and got some bagels. As we all congregated in the living room, laughing and discussing the various parts of our lives that we had been missing out on, I realized that this is sort of what it's all about. I had been fighting off a desire to use those first few hours in the morning to read or write, something that I knew I could walk away with monitorable evidence of productivity. But sitting there with my friends in an ideal environment like that is really what I work for. I just forget that sometimes.
I work my 9-5 for the financial resources to have a home. I tidy and clean that home in order to build a comfortable environment for myself and anyone that enters. I read to expand the material that my mind thinks about so that I can have a more interesting and stimulating conversation with the people who interest me. And I write so I can hone my thoughts and thinking process, giving me room to expand on the things talked about in conversation.
So while I felt a little guilt for seemingly wasting a lazy weekday morning away with my friends, that morning was actually a culmination of everything that I work for. I get so trapped in the self development frame of thinking that I become blind to the reasons that I wish to develop myself in the first place.
“Our crises of hope often start with a basic sense that we do not have control over ourselves or our destiny.”
-”Everything is F*cked” by Mark Manson
We as humans get so zoned in on our ability to control our situation and our environment because it gives us a personal Illusion of hope. If we're in complete control, our chances for a better future are way better right? (Started reading this book over the past week. It inspired a lot of thoughts. Consider it my personal book club recommendation of the week)
Anyway, because we're so focused on being in control, we get so obsessed with these actionable little steps towards development. We forget to stop and take note of the moments that are a culmination of everything we work for. Our minds are wired to always look to "what's next?" so we become blind to these achievements. Big or small, these should be noticed, absorbed, and celebrated, otherwise...what's it all for?
I hope this doesn't come off as dark or pessimistic. It was actually a very encouraging lesson for me. I would love to know if you have any thoughts or experiences with something similar.
In the end, I write to develop my own thoughts. I post, not only to share with you, but to hear other perspectives and opinions in exchange.
I hope you all had a wonderful week and look forward to hearing from you and catching you all up again next week.
Cheers,
-Ben